Of Giant Spiders

The other night I dreamed that my house was infested with spiders as big as a basset hound. These weren't ordinary spiders either. They had insane spikes protruding from their faces (do spiders have faces?) and they were hanging upside down from the ceiling, from cabinets, from anything that they could possibly hang from. "Hugh...please...you've got to kill these spiders for me...they are so creepy!" My husband responded nonchalantly "Um yeah...ok." No matter how much I begged and pleaded the spiders remained just waiting to wrap me up and devour me. When I told Hugh my dream he snorted and said "Well, that wasn't very subtle."

I've come to realize that my dream was not about him being unwilling to help me. We are once again entering a time in our life where I will have to hold it together while he is in school and at work. Any problems that crop up will be mine alone to deal with. It hasn't been too bad thus far. Here are a list of things that are keeping me sane while I battle all the tarantulas life throws at me.

1. Coffee. I never understood the way people slobbered over their coffee pots until we got a new one for Christmas. Suddenly I am drinking 4 cups a day, talking too fast and organizing at a frantic pace.

2. Health products from Beeyoutiful.com. Their Berry Well syrup tastes incredible and you can buy it in bulk! The bottle I got doesn't expire until 2011. Every time I started to feel that tell-tale pain in my glands over the holidays I'd take a dose of this delicious elderberry syrup, alternated with Ultra Immune and Grapefruit Seed Crush mixed with juice and I didn't get sick once. And I really should have, because I was running around too much and eating lots of cookie dough. I've had a cold this week, but it has stayed firmly in my head and hasn't gone wandering down my throat or into my chest. Beeyoutiful is the best, and they aren't paying me to say it. Though if they need an obscure writer to be a spokesperson for their products I'd do it.

3. Decluttering. I've got rid of tons of stuff in my house, and the decluttering bug has started spreading to other parts of my life. I cleaned out the church nursery aka "Where Toys Go To Die." I ended up taking 4 bags to Goodwill and throwing away 2 bags of broken toys. I have plans now to revamp the area. More on that later.

4. Writing. I may not have been blogging much, but it's because I've been working on actual journalistic endeavors! I've started writing for the West Side section of the Evansville Courier, a small supplement that comes out on Fridays. Also, I am working on scripts with my friend Cris Cunningham of beamerfilms.com. As I slowly build my portfolio I will be looking for more writing gigs. Right now they seem to be just falling from the sky!

5. Tupperware! Double Host Points Month means lots of fancy new containers for me. I am ditching most all my disposible Ziploc in favor of durable plastic backed by a lifetime guarantee produced by a company that has been in business since 1938. And did I mention the new colors?? Swoon!

6. Linus. He can work a 100 piece puzzle, his hair looks like a Shirley Temple on a good day and Gene Wilder on a bad day, and he says that "drinking juice gives my tummy good pleasures." Did I mention he's not yet three years old?

7. Jarvis. That kid is rock star cute and he still wants to crawl in bed and cuddle with me. He says when he's too old I can just have another baby. I want my Jarvis baby a little longer.

8. Alice. The joy just seems to radiate from her bright eyes and round, pink cheeks. She's pulling up, crawling, she kicks her legs with joy at the sight of food, she waves both arms and makes a sound like "hi!", she can patty cake and she thinks she invented peek-a-boo. Her hair is curling in the back and squeezing her squishy little abdomen is pure pleasure.

9. Hugh. He finally decided to shave off his Pa Ingalls beard last night. "Hey Kate!" I heard him call, "I just found out a way to add 15 years to my face!" Before I walked in I knew what to expect. There stood my husband with a huge, horrible mustache. He resembled Teddy Roosevelt, or moreso Ned Flanders. We took pictures.

10. Prayer. I can't even begin to tell you how awful I am at bible reading but prayer and petition are like bread and water to me. I spend most days kneeling on the inside. And you know what? It works.

So there it is...a top 10 list of things that act like an exterminator for me. Just writing this blog felt like throwing a shoe at the ceiling. I can feel my anxiety go belly up and the legs fold up even as I type.