"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11
I still didn't get it. Why would I be led in this direction, and have all signs point this way, only to not get this job I was so desperately seeking?
I was angry. I was bitter. I was depressed. I was certain the woman who got "my" job was a fool, someone who could not do the job anywhere nearly as well as I could. I fantasized that she would fall flat on her face, and they would come to me to pick up the pieces.
Finally, I decided to email the person responsible for hiring and ask him point blank what I could do to be his first choice the next time. And when I read his response, I wept again, though not for the reasons you might think. He told me who had gotten the job, and why.
I knew the woman, and she is a wonderful person.
Kim read my writing when I was 17 years old and published a piece of mine in the small supplement paper she was editing, call "Best Bets." I wrote a couple of articles for her, and she asked me to help out at a music festival she was promoting that year. We parted ways when I was dealing with my own personal, teenage issues and she went on to a career as head of Public Relations at General Electric. She and her husband had adopted 6 (count 'em!) children from Hungary. I had read about this in the newspaper and was humbled that I had been privileged to work with such a unique person, and I had prayed that our paths might cross again.
The knowledge that she was the person I was competing against was at once humbling, and mind-boggling. Kim was not only far, far more qualified than me, but she needed the job so much more. I knew that this would be her chance to be more available to all 8 of her children. The idea that they would even bother to interview anyone else shocked me, and the fact that they considered me competition for even one second was astounding.
And I wanted her to know. I desperately wanted to tell her about this emotional roller coaster, and offer her my support and hopefully she might even hire me as a lowly underling. I wanted to call her, but I couldn't get her number due to human resources policy. So, I sent her a private message on the forum a few weeks later. And I heard...nothing. I was a bit devastated. I thought the fact that I had been in the running might dissuade her from talking to me. But of course, I have a history of being wrong about these kinds of things, and I was wrong again!
She never got my message, because she had trouble with her log-in. And when she sent me a message it was completely of her own volition. She had noticed me...on the message boards, and she had read some of my writing around town, and she wanted to hire me. She didn't know it was me, the 17 year old she had taken under her wing some 13 years ago, but when she found out she was delighted. And so was I.
And so that's what God was doing...it was a strange, bumpy, path, but it led to something great. I am working 10 hours a week for a woman I wholly respect, doing a job I thoroughly enjoy. I am allowed to be myself, and I have time to devote to other things. Because I'm not sure God wants me to be anything but ultimately, a writer. I recently had another career aspiration, involving something I was sure was an untapped market in Evansville, till I met a girl who had already tapped it. And so I am back again, to writing. And it feels right.