Top Ten Reasons Why I'm Cranky

1. I just turned 33. Jesus redeemed all mankind by this time. What have I done?

 

2. And that brings us to...Rapture Jokes. OMG. THE ONLY PEOPLE who cared about it were Atheists, who were busy mocking the Christians all week. It was like someone teasing you for liking a boy that you DON'T EVEN LIKE! For the last time, I don't like that boy. HE DOESN'T KNOW HIS SCRIPTURE like, AT ALL.

 

3.  My kids were supposed to clean the playroom for my birthday. Not only did it not happen, but my six year old told me "You can't always get what you want for your birthday, mom." Thanks for the life lesson, ungrateful offspring.

 

4. I think I have hemorrhoids.

No photo. That's gross.

 

5. The lady with the dog I want to adopt won't call me back. Which is probably the Universe's way of telling me not to add chaos to my life. Shutup, Universe. At least it's not a baby.

 

6. Evansville was recently named "The Most Obese City in the US," and I can't honestly say "Well, at least they aren't talking about ME." It's really makes it hard to overeat without feeling self-conscious. Oh hai, just taking one for the team!

 

7. Alice just outgrew all of her shoes.

 

8. It's illegal to burn your own house down and collect the insurance money.

 

9.  I bought four bags of organic blue corn tortilla chips at Aldi on Tuesday. They are all gone.  At least half of them are ground into the carpet. And I still have half a batch of hummus left.

 

10. I can't think of another reason.  Which makes me cranky.