Parenting Paradoxes

  If you are a parent, or are about to become one, congratulations! You are about to go on a magnificent journey where you will quickly learn that you can't do anything right!

Here are the rules of the game.

Don't let your baby cry in public.

Breastfeeding might help them stop crying.

Don't breastfeed in public.

If you want your child to stop hitting, hit them.

If you want your kid to stop screaming, scream at them.

Kids need to behave like miniature adults.

Miniature adults will still be treated as second class citizens with no right to be in public.

A woman with a nursing baby is rude and entitled if she takes her child to a social event.

A woman with a nursing baby is a neurotic helicopter mom if she opts to stay at home and breastfeed rather than get a sitter.

Children should show respect to adults who are then allowed to tease, talk down to, and be rude to kids.

Fathers should spend more time with their children, but not in public, because a man alone with children looks like a pedophile.

Do what's best for your child, as long as it's what everyone else is doing.

If you put your children first, you are an overbearing martyr.

If you don't, you are neglectful jerk.

If your kid is crying, pick that kid up. Unless, of course it's the middle of the night and it's dark. Then, he's on his own.

Total strangers know more about you, and your child, and how to parent said child, than you do.

This goes double if they have no kids of their own.


What would you add to the list?