What Would Loretta Do?

"They say to have her hair done Liz flies all the way to France

And Jackie's seen in a discotheque doin' a brand new dance

And the White House social season should be glittering and gay

But here in Topeka the rain is a fallin'

The faucet is a drippin' and the kids are a bawlin'

One of them a toddlin' and one is a crawlin' and one's on the way"

Read more: Loretta Lynn - One's On The Way Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Song by Shel Silverstein, Sung by Loretta Lynn


Sometimes, like when I'm wrapping cloth diapers around a spurting faucet so I can wash my cast iron skillet without water cascading down the cabinets and making the drawers swell I think to myself...I'm having a Loretta Lynn moment.

I feel like that a lot. When I'm picking up apple cores from every conceivable surface of my house including the back of the toilet...when I'm spraying the long-past soiled carpet with vinegar to scrub up after the three year old's accident, when I find the table cloth in my kid's room and my daughter's dress in the dining room...those are my Loretta Moments.

There are differences. I got married at 23, not 13, and I had four kids in 7 years, not four. My husband has never cheated on me with anyone but the Pizza Hut Lunch Buffet and his Xbox. And my daddy worked in a toy store, not a coal mine.

But when I'm sweeping the floor, and washing the dishes, and things are falling apart, those are my Loretta Lynn days.

So I try to think about it. What would Loretta do when she finds a sippy cup full of curdled milk? Start a toddler run artisan cheese operation? And those apple cores...apple cider vinegar? Would she leave her dishes out in the rain while her sink is broken or wash them in the bathtub?

And then of course, I realize what she'd do.

She'd write a hit song about it.

I don't have a guitar, but I do have this here laptop.

So I'm just gonna press "Publish" right here and see what happens.